My midnight thoughts.

Everyone has their own way of dealing with the downs of life. Some people drink, some people smoke, some people drown their sorrows with sad music and movies, and some people just close up. And that’s what I’ve done. I’ve closed up and I’ve shut myself off from everyone. I need to find myself. And if you took the time out to just find yourselves, I guarantee you will feel a lot better.

I am going to write about an experience so many people, like myself, has gone through: heartbreak. So many of us just do not know how to deal with the pain of someone leaving or betraying us. I was in that place at one point. And I really did not like it.

Heart break. We all go through it. But there’s always one that hurts you the most. Out of everyone who has hurt your feelings. Your heart shatters at the thought that the one person who you thought would never hurt you breaks you more than anyone else has ever done. My heart was broken like that around 10 weeks ago. When I found out that the person I thought I could find happiness with let me down. The one person I thought I was really connecting with. The person I considered a ‘best friend’. He lied to me and had been betraying me the whole time.

Now, I’m not going to get into the ins and the outs of the situation but it was a really hard time. It is a really hard time even though admitting is a bitter pill to swallow. I had to find a way to move on and stop obsessing over his every move. You know when you must cut someone out of your life but can’t find quite find a way to move on yet so you try your best to remain a part of their lives. A part in their lives where you thought you had a place. You try to get into contact with them anyway that you can. Try to reassure yourself in the head that keeps telling you that he still cares that he will reach back out to you. But he doesn’t. And your left to deal with your pain alone. And it’s not the pain where you can cover it from a band-aid, or go to the hospital and receive a few stitches; this is emotional pain. The pain I couldn’t see myself healing from.

But I did. I’ll finally tell you what I did:

I decided that I am going to find myself. Put myself on a journey where I become a stronger person than what I was. I removed myself from the world. I deactivated all social media apps (except Twitter, mainly because I have a brand-new account where people of the past cannot find me). Facebook, Instagram, even WhatsApp. I wanted to break free from everything that was keeping me back. I wanted to go back to the person I knew. I wanted to find that person again and develop from there. After all, I am only 21. I have so much of life to discover, so many lessons and obstacles I need to overcome. My life is just beginning. I realised that. I decided to do the little things that make me happy; truly invest quality time in myself. I wanted to read more books because before my spiral (you could say), I thoroughly enjoyed reading books, the news and general material. I reached out to family and friends I thought I’d never be able to reconnect with. I wanted to get involved in a new hobby, such as learning the guitar and blogging about my thoughts (like I am now). All of these little but big changes I want to achieve so that instead of focusing on the person who deeply hurt me; I can focus on becoming the best person you can be. Saying ‘good morning’ to someone while on your way to work or school, asking the cashier scanning through your lunch how their day is going, helping your mum out with a chore around the house that you really don’t want to do. People seem to forget that it is really the little things you do in your everyday life that really makes a big difference. Not only to you, but to others around you.

I’m waffling, but I wanted to get my message out there especially to our upcoming generation and young people and for everyone else who have gone through or are going through that heartbreak; just because someone hurts you to a point where you feel like you could just give up; you have the potential to begin to find yourself, pick yourself up and become the best person you can be.

To who-ever is reading my first personal online blog entry, thank you. I hope I’ve made sense 😊